In the mirror

When I look in the mirror these days, I see a haggard middle-aged woman. The corners of her mouth are perpetually turned down and there are bags under her eyes. I see the pain in her eyes that shimmer with tears. She looks her age now, every minute of her almost 45 years.

The woman in the mirror used to be beautiful. Her blue eyes sparkled with happiness; her lips were always smiling. Her husband loved her fair skin, her fleshy hips… He’s the one who taught her to see past all the little imperfections to her own beauty.

She doesn’t feel beautiful without him. She feels old and tired and sad. Broken down. She wonders if anyone will ever look at her and see a beautiful woman again.

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~ by hourbeforedawn on March 22, 2010.

6 Responses to “In the mirror”

  1. you are beautiful Lira:) and you’re a brilliant writer.

  2. yes yes yes, one day your eyes will sparkle again 🙂

  3. you are beautiful, inside and out. Your sparkle and light and smile will shine again someday.

  4. When I looked at your photo gallery, I saw what you mean – you glowed for the last 6+ years! And you were living in your body in a new way – something I never saw in you before. I don’t get the feeling that you will lose all of that – but I grieve with you for losing the sparkle that only Mike brought out in you. Keep looking in the mirror – and you may see the strength and beauty we all see in you.

  5. sweet faerie..he brought out one type of sparkle in you. The lessons he taught you – to see beyond the imperfections – are still there..and you will remember them they are a part of you always…and know you sparkle.

  6. Sweetie, your soul is in anguish at the moment and this pain is reflected in your face, your eyes, your mouth, your hair, your skin. At this time you are leaching the pain out every day and this is a necessary process. Once you begin to recover your inner spirit will repair and renew and the reflection in the mirror will too! When I lost my dad I was shocked at how much pain I could suffer and bear. I wanted to screach and shout and sob and moan, as loud as I could and as silently as I could, all at the same time. At any moment a tsunami of pain could hit me that made me feel like I was going to fall over. I felt like someone had gutted me, like a filet of fish. Memories of so many moments would run like a mad video in my head, music could tear me into pieces, pictures made me go nuts with agony. I was so depressed that I felt like falling asleep for a year. But, I simply woke up every day and went to work, cooked dinner, cleaned my house, did all the administrative tasks that I had to do, and kept going by rote. I told myself daily that I was here in suffering and loss but that my dad was in glory and more happy than I could imagine. I knew my dad loved me, but I knew that he would choose where he was rather than choosing to come back to me. That knowledge helped me to let him go and to let my pain go too. I also knew he would never want me to continue to hurt, to waste one single day of happiness and living, to cry instead of smile, and to worry instead of love. Please know that time will heal you, Michael’s spirit will heal you, your soul will heal you and the love of your family and friends will heal you. Blessings to you each and every hour of every day. Love, Pinky

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