I’ve always been a person who loved and needed solitude, time alone with my thoughts and my journal. I still need it, but now too much solitude gets overwhelming. After more than one day alone, I find myself just sitting on the couch, crying and staring blankly into space for hours.

So I’ve been making plans with friends, trying to stay busy. But that gets overwhelming in a different way. Yesterday I spent the entire day and evening with friends. Today I met a friend for lunch, then got my hair done, then picked up the kids for dinner.

And when I had a few minutes to myself, in between hair appointment and picking up the kids, I fell apart. An email dealing with the business of Mike’s estate sent me into a full-blown anxiety attack, and it was all I could do to pull it together before I went to get the kids.

I’ll feel like I’m doing so well, like I’m really coping… and then, suddenly, I’m not.


~ by hourbeforedawn on March 24, 2010.

One Response to “Overwhelmed”

  1. Hugs to you Lira. That sounds like what other grieving folks I’ve known have shared-though I don’t know that it really helps to know that it’s typical. Wish there were words to make it better but all I can offer is the knowledge that you are heard and the hope that it will get easier soon.

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