the way I feel today

I don’t know if it’s just the emotional residue from last night’s dream or what, but all day I’ve felt Mike with me. Not in the corny “watching over me from heaven” sense, nor yet in the way I used to think I could feel spirits.  It’s more that I feel some part of his energy has become a part of me.

I sat on the bed for a while, holding the urn in my lap, and talked to him… asking him if I’ll still be able to feel him with me like this when I move to a new place, and whether he can now feel things through me, experience the world through my eyes. Of course there were no answers. With my history, I’m a little wary of this whole talking to a dead guy thing… but I miss talking to him. I could always tell him anything and everything that was on my mind.

Today has been a good day. It’s the first day I’ve been able to listen to any music except Alice in Chains, and a couple times I even caught myself singing along. And that felt OK. Like I said, maybe it’s just the emotional residue of my dream… or maybe this is some other mechanism my brain has for giving me a little break from the oppressive weight of grief. But whatever it is, I’m grateful for it.

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~ by hourbeforedawn on March 25, 2010.

2 Responses to “the way I feel today”

  1. “talking to a dead guy thing” made me smile. 🙂

  2. I love “some part of his energy has become a part of me” – its a real beautiful thing. I believe it happens – and is happening to you.

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