Needy

I feel really needy right now, and I hate it.

I need to talk — about Mike, about what I’m going through — but I’m afraid people will get tired of listening.  Sometimes I need to be silent but not be alone, and there are only a few people with whom I can just be in comfortable, companionable silence. I’m afraid of leaning on those few people too heavily and wearing them out.

I can’t stand to be alone for more than one day in a row, so I need to make plans with people… but my friends all have their own jobs, their own lives, their own families, their own problems.  Their world didn’t stop just because mine did. My stepdaughter and I have talked about how difficult it is to see everyone else’s life go back to normal, when we’re just trying to get through one day at a time and “normal” will never be the same for us again. It is hard.

I don’t want to be needy, but I am.

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~ by hourbeforedawn on March 31, 2010.

6 Responses to “Needy”

  1. i’m listening. 🙂

  2. Lira —

    People want to be there for you, honey. And those people will not get tired of listening. Lean on the people you can. And sometimes, just sitting in silence with a friend by your side is just what you need. And sometimes, it may even be conforting to them as well.
    Yes, everyone has their own problems and their own lives, but honey, friends are always there no matter what. And believe it or not, sometimes setting your problems aside to help a friend in need is exactly friends want to do.
    Call someone, and just sinply say, can I come over, or can you come over and we just sit. I just don’t want to be alone right now.

    I really hate that you feel like you are being a burden on your friends. I’m certain that is not the case.

  3. You are never a burden love. Ever. There are lots of us who would love to sit in silence with you, we’re just not sure what exactly you need or want. No one wants to overwhelm you, but please know we all care. I’m here anytime Lira. Really. BIG HUG!

  4. Lira you are allowed to feel need. I wish Viv and I were close enough to have a weekend sleepover. Sending you love

  5. There is a Native American practice of telling the story of your pain over and over until it loses it power over you. This was done to heal some war vets. I had the same need when facing my grief – each re-telling pulled poison out of my system. And in telling, I discovered so many other people who had been through the same thing. So keep talking, or not, Lira. Keep talking and telling your story, even if you feel needy or repetitive. We do this for the good stuff in life – why not for the not good stuff in life?

  6. ((((Kerstin)))) My brother told me he read somewhere that a person suffering a major loss needs to tell their story 200 times before they feel “done” talking about it.

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