“It’s probably too soon to say this,” my brother said, “but there’s a whole new life waiting for you.”

It was too soon to say that, and I told him so.  But the fact is, half of my life is still ahead of me. If I didn’t believe that I would find happiness and joy and love again one day, that life would be unbearable.

Today I went to see one of my girlfriends, to get a change of scenery after two days sick in bed. We drove through the canyons to Malibu and had lunch at a restaurant on the beach. Being at the ocean always soothes my soul. The restaurant is called The Sunset and famous for the view, and I thought how romantic it would have been to have dinner there with Mike. And then I thought, maybe I’ll come back here for dinner someday… with someone new. It was a very bittersweet thought.

Mike was very clear, in his last message to me, that he wants me to find someone else… “someone who listens  [to me] and is gentle.” I know he would want me to find happiness again, even to love again, when I’m ready. Someone who listens and is gentle is a good man — and, as I told my friend today, it wouldn’t be fair to make a good man feel settled for, never able to live up to the memory of the man I lost.

“Maybe you won’t be settling,” she said. “It won’t be the same as what you had with Mike, but that doesn’t mean it won’t be good. It will just be good in different ways.”

I hope she’s right. I have half a lifetime of sunsets left, and I don’t want to watch all of them alone.


~ by hourbeforedawn on April 3, 2010.

One Response to “Sunsets”

  1. What I hear in this post is Resilience – the ability to spring back into shape after being bent, stretched, or deformed…spirit, hardiness, buoyancy (nice ocean-y word)…another word for buoyant is floating…which is something about the time you are in…allowing the water/world/love/friends/family to hold you up…lay back, look at the sky, the stars, float freely…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: