We talked a lot about anger in my Survivors of Suicide group last night. Anger is a natural and unavoidable part of the grief process. If we don’t process our anger, it will leak out in unexpected and sometimes inappropriate ways. I don’t feel angry. What I feel is brittle.

Brittle, according to the dictionary:
1.having hardness and rigidity but little tensile strength; breaking readily
2.easily damaged or destroyed; fragile; frail
3.having a sharp, tense quality

I may appear to be strong, but I’m like glass. The wrong blow, even a small one, will shatter that façade of strength into a million pieces. I got set off by a stupid little thing this morning and had to lock myself in a bathroom stall at work and have my silent freak-out. It took half a Xanax, lots of deep breathing, and chocolate to restore me to functionality.

Maybe I’m more angry than I realize.


~ by hourbeforedawn on April 6, 2010.

3 Responses to “Brittle”

  1. darling… of *course* you would find the perfect word to describe how you’re feeling. here’s to the healing power of chocolate. 🙂 i am praying for you, for your release of (and from, if that’s what’s right for you), anger.

  2. I’d be furious. I understand (well..I know I don’t really understand but I think I can empathise. Big hugs….

  3. yes, you will have the anger come and go, as well as the other emotions. It has been two yrs. for me, and I still have many of the emotions also. I am not saying it gets easier, but you do come to some term??? with what has happened. For me, I conctantly worry about my future years.
    Please feel free to email me anytime.
    A fellow survivor

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