I’m going to be OK

This will just be a quick post because I don’t have anything deep or profound to share tonight.  But I’ve figured a few things out in the last couple of days, and I had a good session with my therapist tonight, and I came home with the realization that I AM GOING TO BE OK. Not right away… There’s still a lot of grief, a lot of pain to get through, and I know that. But I’m still me. This trauma hasn’t killed the person I was. If anything, the fires of profound loss are just honing and sharpening me into a new, stronger person.

I feel that Mike is with me, that some part of him has become a part of me… and he’ll always be with me now. He’ll be a part of the new person I become when I make it through the worst of this grief and come out the other side. That doesn’t mean I don’t miss him. I do… terribly. There’s no substitute for having him here, in the flesh, to hold me, to love me, to talk to me. But I know he’s still with me, and I know I’m going to be OK. Eventually.

And after the dark place I’ve been in the last several days, that actually is a pretty profound realization.

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~ by hourbeforedawn on April 21, 2010.

5 Responses to “I’m going to be OK”

  1. Right on! I’m so glad to read this post and hear your belief in yourself and your determination.

  2. And as you heal and take one step at a time, we will be there to listen and support you.

  3. I agree that this is a pretty huge realization. I’m glad that you know that eventually you will be OK again even though the loss will never go away.

  4. We are with you as all these painful steps are taken. We love you!

  5. I very much believe you will be ok, and I am glad that you feel that now too. And I also very much believe that Mike is still with you in some way. I hope that on darker days you can come back to this post and remember the sense you were able to find that you will be ok. Lots of love to you.

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