Better Days

When I wrote my last blog post, I’d had a couple of bad days. I was feeling lonely and isolated.

“I don’t know what to say.” Since Mike died, I’ve heard these words more than almost any others – even more, perhaps, than “I’m sorry for your loss.” To all those who have uttered them, or who have said nothing out of fear of saying the wrong thing, I just want to say that it’s OK. No one knows what to say. This situation is so far outside the boundaries of anything we’ve been prepared for, none of us know how we’re supposed to respond to it… including me. I’m stumbling in the dark here, just trying to shine some light far enough ahead to keep me from falling into a pit of despair. There is nothing anyone can say that will change the path I have to walk, no magic words that will make it all better. But having some company on the journey makes all the difference. You don’t even have to say anything. Just let me know that you’re here, because otherwise I might fail to see you through the darkness.

Today is a better day. It helps that so many people have reached out, in their comments on the blog or via email or text message, just to tell me that they’re listening and they care. It made me realize that for each person who has disappointed me with their inability to be present and give me the support I need, I have at least three or four people who ARE willing to walk with me through the dark parts of this journey. Today I am filled with gratitude for that.

During my bad days, one of the things that was hard for me was that I didn’t feel as connected to Mike. I was checked out, emotionally, and I didn’t feel his energy present in my life the way I often do. I didn’t realize how much I was missing that until this morning, when I stepped out my front door on my way to work, and a small pale moth flew right into my left shoulder. A moth in broad daylight? And is it only coincidence that he bumped me on my left shoulder, the place where I’m planning to get my luna moth tattoo in Mike’s memory? Thank you, my love, for reminding me that you’re still with me.

Better days lie ahead. I know it.

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~ by hourbeforedawn on May 20, 2010.

6 Responses to “Better Days”

  1. I’m so glad today is better, and that Mike sent you a reminder that he is always with you, even when you can’t feel him. Sending you love, always. Your light still shines, even in the darkest days, even if you can’t see it yourself.

  2. Glad to hear that today has been a better day. I love those little reminders that are presented to us just when we need them most. We just need to be open to them and everything around us. Hugs, Gerry-Mom

  3. I am here Lira; sending you lots of love and prayers. I am so glad you feel connected to Mike again, and you’re having a better day. Take good care of yourself. XOXO

  4. Those little “signs” mean the world, don’t they? My sign has always been a redheaded woodpecker. My dad’s nickname was Big Red. I’m glad you are having a better day and more of the light is shining through the darkness.

  5. Glad to read that you are having a bit of an emotional reprieve. It helps to acknowledge these days, and breathe for awhile.

  6. It can be challenging to feel Mike’s presence when you’re not grounded, when you feel scattered. All you need do, in that case, is breathe into your belly and focus all of your attention on your breath. Follow your breath back into yourself. Then reach out – and you will be reconnected. 🙂

    Blessed Be,
    VSD

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