Messages from the Universe

I arrived in Colorado Sunday afternoon to spend ten days with my sister’s family, and I’ve had some difficulty getting into the rhythm of this busy household with three kids. My first couple of nights here were hard, emotionally. I felt lost and aimless, and I realized I was homesick for Los Angeles and my friends there. I was looking forward to being surrounded by the beauty and majesty of the Rockies, not realizing that the town where they live isn’t even within sight of the mountains. Why did I come here? I wondered. What’s the point?

I tried to hang on to the good feelings from my time in Vegas, but depression knocked them from my grasp. Maybe I shouldn’t have spent the money to go to Vegas for my birthday, I thought. I could have waited until Labor Day weekend. I started worrying about the cost of the other travel I’ve planned for this nomad summer, and I found myself questioning every choice I’ve made in recent weeks, hounded by indecision and doubt.

Yesterday afternoon I got an email from a woman I met in Las Vegas, the mother of one of my musician friends who was at their gig. We’d exchanged contact info so that I could send her the pictures I took at the show. She was warm and friendly, and I liked her immediately… but I hadn’t really expected to hear from her beyond the exchange of photos. But I guess the guys told her my story, and she wrote to share something of her own story with me. Her brother died young, soon after his marriage and the birth of his child, many years ago now. She told me she feels that what she went through with her brother prepared her to help others who are struggling with loss, and that ever since then God seems to bring grieving people into her life. Every year around this time some new person comes into her life who has lost a loved one. “I am absolutely certain,” she wrote, “that God wanted us to meet and that we would be good for each other.”

See… I KNEW I needed to be in Las Vegas that particular week. I just didn’t know why. When I stop second guessing myself and trust my instincts and intuition, I give myself what I need.

I received another message from an unexpected source yesterday. I needed a haircut, and my sister referred me to a friend from church who owns a hair salon. After giving me a great haircut, she told me that she’d been praying for me and wanted to share what she felt was a message for me from God. Not wanting to hurt her feelings, I said OK. The message was something like this: “He says that you are like gold that has been refined in a fire, and that He is going to reshape you into something wonderful, something entirely new and better than what you were before.”

And you know, though I don’t believe in God the way she does, that felt right to me. Losing my soulmate is a trial by fire if ever there was one, and I’ve known for a while now that the old me died with Mike and that a new me is waiting to be reborn, like a phoenix rising from the ashes of profound grief and loss. I don’t know who she’s going to be yet, or what her new life will be… but if God/Goddess/Universe/Fate keeps sending the right people into her life at the right time, I know she’ll be just fine.

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~ by hourbeforedawn on July 21, 2010.

4 Responses to “Messages from the Universe”

  1. she most definitely will be.

  2. You really will be fine. It’s just getting through all of this “stuff” that is so hard. You are on a path that you should be on at this time so try to relax and not second guess your choices. So many people are supporting you and you deserve only the best!
    xo

  3. i love how God speaks through the most random people! and what a loving message God has for you! i can’t wait to see your phoenix lira!

  4. I totally agree with Aarti! Second guessing is ok, its the third and fourth guessing that really sucks and gets old. 🙂 Love to you, my friend!

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