I Take You With Me

Arrived at my aunt’s house in Ohio late last night. Over breakfast this morning, Mom and I got caught up on the family news. It’s a smaller family than it once was, as two of my uncles and both of their wives died last year. One of my cousins is still living in his dad’s house, more than a year after his passing, and my aunt commented that she thinks he wants “to be near his father’s essence.”

That reminded me of a conversation I had with my brother Bruce the night before I left Texas. We were talking about missing our dad, who died in December 2007. Bruce commented that he’s become so much like Dad as he’s gotten older, taken on so many of his characteristics, he feels like Dad is always with him.

Leaving Texas was surprisingly hard for me. I cried after we said goodbye at the airport. I cried a little on the plane. It’s only now that I understand why. Bruce is right; he has become so much like our father, it’s like there’s a piece of Dad in him. Saying goodbye to my brother this time felt like saying goodbye to my dad all over again.

All day I’ve been mulling over this idea of staying close to a loved one’s “essence.” On Saturday I’ll go with my mom and my sister to the cemetery where my dad’s ashes are buried. I haven’t been there since they erected the headstone, and I want to see it. But I don’t think my dad’s essence is there, any more than I think Mike’s essence is in an urn on my dresser back in Arizona. But it’s nice to have something tangible to hold when I can’t put my arms around a memory.

It’s easier to stay distracted when I’m on the move, surrounding myself with family and friends. But even though I don’t think about him all the time, even when I go days without crying, Mike is always in my heart. He’ll always be a part of me.

I’ve had this Melissa Etheridge song running through my head all day…

“I’ll never understand it, how the journey led me here. But I have made a promise that I intend to keep. My love, wherever I go, I take you with me.”

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~ by hourbeforedawn on August 12, 2010.

3 Responses to “I Take You With Me”

  1. Best of all, everything you’ve coming to lately has been on YOUR own terms and not those of anyone else. This is what I meant when I explained the warrior thing.

    Had you heard that song before, by the way?

  2. I totally AGREE with Brad! I really love the image/reality of ‘taking someone with you.’ As a new parent (18 months only!) – I feel that sense of a promise to ‘take (Willa) with me’ – no matter where she (or I) goes, what she does…she’s so much a part of me now…and I’m sure her birthmom has some of the same feeling. True love is this…taking with…its a choice, a privilege, an honor, an intention that needs daily work…but its AMAZING!

  3. You are keeping that promise beautifully, darling. 🙂

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