What’s New

Exactly two months ago I moved out of the apartment Mike and I had shared for the last four years. Since then, I’ve put over 4,000 miles on my car. I’ve been in six states (Arizona, Nevada, Colorado, New Mexico, Texas, Ohio). I’ve spent time with all four of my siblings and lots of other family members, too. I’ve made some awesome new friends and reconnected with old friends.

My anxiety has improved significantly. In these last two months, I’ve taken only one half of a Xanax tablet one time. I’m sleeping through the night most of the time now. But I can feel that there’s another level of grief waiting just below the surface, and it will be there for me to deal with when I stop wandering and settle in a new home.

I have a job interview on Sept. 9th, at a company I used to work for in Los Angeles. Two months ago the idea of trying to sell myself to a potential employer seemed so daunting, it would have provoked an anxiety attack. But I think I can do it now. I’m thinking more clearly than I was a few months ago, and I can’t put my life on hold forever. It’s time to start making plans to move forward.

Another thing that’s new… I’m wearing my wedding ring on my right hand now. I’d decided a month or so ago that I’d move the ring to the other hand at the six-month mark, which is coming up on September 3rd. While I was in L.A. last week, I tried the ring on my right hand just to see how it felt and left it there overnight to try and get used to it. The ring fits tightly on that hand, and in the morning I couldn’t get it off. I left it there, intending to wait until night time and try again to remove it… but I found that I’d gotten used to it there and kept forgetting to move it back. I don’t ever plan to take it off again.

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~ by hourbeforedawn on August 26, 2010.

8 Responses to “What’s New”

  1. Lira- I’m so glad you had the whole summer to travel and visit and heal your heart. Thank God for family. That’s awesome news about the interview. You’re going to ace it. (((((( you

  2. oh lira. what an encouraging post! i believe you when you say that there may be some horribly hard times ahead, but i am praying that whatever strength, peace, wisdom you have been given over the past few months will help you through whatever’s ahead. as always, i am praying for you.

  3. You give me such inspiration that possibly in six months I will be somewhat in the same spot as you are in! It has been 4 months since I last saw Dan and I too have worried about my wedding ring! I look at it all the time and it becomes a reminder of what I had and never have again! I just can’t bring myself to take it off and put it away OR move it to the right hand. This has been on my mind for quite some time; however, listening to what you have done with yours and the way you feel about it has made me feel as tad more comfortable with my decision to move it to the other hand. I guess in a way it doesn’t erase my love or memories of Dan… it just hurts to know I am really not married to him anymore!

    • Tanya, I understand completely. For the first few months, even the thought of moving my ring off the fintger where Mike had placed it when we said our wedding vows was unbearable. I will NEVER take it off and put it away, but as I’m not really married anymore it feels more honest now to wear it on the right hand. When the time is right to do something with your ring, you’ll know.

  4. You have done a lot, and made some really good progress. You seem to understand you grief well. I find that with each transition there is a new wave of grief to deal with. It just has to happen. I too have been making changes, and doing things a bit ahead of conventional time frames, such as removing my wedding ring. It has helped me to feel more in control by setting my own timeline, and to have the flexibility to change my mind if I choose. For the most part, each decision has been a good one.

    Sounds like each of your decisions have been the right ones too.

  5. All I can say is… ❤

  6. Thanks for the update! And wow – what a lot in a few short paragraphs. I hear you talking about making HOME – mourning the home you lost; creating temporary home with family & friends; choosing LA again as home and finding ways to make it happen for yourself. Also, I hear your need for a homeplace to hunker down in as grief works its ways with you. Finally, I hear wisdom and grace flowing from and through you. Much love to you as you face the next round of challenges.

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