Thankful

I’ve spent the last 24 hours reflecting on being thankful. It would be easy to be depressed, angry or bitter about the hand that fate has dealt me this past year: failed business, my husband’s suicide, no job, totaled car. And I’m not going to lie, some days it’s still pretty hard to lift myself out of the mire of depression. But the more I focus on gratitude, the easier it gets.

Yesterday I woke up in a house filled with delicious cooking smells. As I made my tea and chattted with my housemate in the kitchen, I was thankful not to be alone on the holiday. Later, listening to her son play the guitar, I was thankful that there is still music in my life. I appreciate having a place to stay, a cozy room of my own, and I’m thankful that this temporary housing arrangement is working out so well.

I’m thankful for the job interviews I had on Monday, which give me hope that better financial times are just around the corner.

In the early afternoon I headed to my friend Sheila’s place for our traditional “orphans” Thanksgiving dinner. I’ve spent five of the last six Thanksgivings with Sheila and a variable assortment of friends and chosen family, and there was no place I would rather be. There were seven of us this year, and we had enough food to feed twice that many. We are fortunate to have that kind of abundance even when some of us are out of work. The easy comraderie around the table made me aware of how thankful I am to have this group of friends, to spend the holiday with people I truly enjoy.

And I’m thankful for my family and for their constant, unwavering love and support. I’m happy to be going to my mom’s for Christmas this year. I know spending it in LA would be hard, with the ghost of Christmases past always hovering over my shoulder. I can’t even stand to think about putting up the tree that Mike and I bought together or opening the box of decorations that includes four monogrammed stockings, three of which I’ll never use again. I’m thankful that I can postpone dealing with that until next year.

Most of all, I’m thankful that on most days I can honestly say that I enjoy and appreciate my life. Eight months ago this was unimaginable.

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~ by hourbeforedawn on November 26, 2010.

3 Responses to “Thankful”

  1. This is wonderful Lira. Happy Thanksgiving.

  2. Loving this and loving you.

  3. you have an amazingly brave and big heart. remember that.

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