Looking back, looking forward

Seven years ago tonight, Mike and I had our first date. We met at a restaurant in Chinatown for dinner after work. I was late. They gave us a table in the corner, where we talked about art and life, laughed, and looked into each other’s eyes. Before we even got up from the table, he told me he wanted to see me again. He walked me to my car and hugged me twice, but didn’t kiss me goodnight because he had a cold. I drove home smiling, thinking “I like him!” It wasn’t long before I knew that I loved him.

Seven years ago, we were at the beginning of the most passionate, fulfilling relationship either of us had ever known. It all started with dinner. And every year, until last year, we celebrated the anniversary of our first date with a nice dinner together. Our first anniversary dinner was at The Stinking Rose in West Hollywood, where I tried garlic ice cream for the first time. In the car we listened to the mix CD I’d made for him. The next year he took me to Café Bizou in Sherman Oaks, and that became “our” place, where we celebrated each anniversary and most of my birthdays. We didn’t celebrate this anniversary last year, since we had a wedding anniversary to celebrate just three months later. This time a year ago, I had no idea that our story was almost at an end.

I miss him so much tonight.

The last week has been hard. I came down with a bad cold and began the New Year lying on the couch, drinking hot toddies and watching endless crime show reruns on TV. It’s been easy to feel sorry for myself, to feel lonely and sad.

But there is reason to be hopeful, to look forward. I finally got a job, a real job with benefits and everything. I start on January 18. This new job is the first step to rebuilding my life. I can start looking for a new apartment now, make a home for myself again. This is a turning point in my story, a chance to turn my life around, to make the next chapter a happier one.

I haven’t made it through the darkness yet, but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. It can only get brighter from here.


~ by hourbeforedawn on January 6, 2011.

5 Responses to “Looking back, looking forward”

  1. congrats on the job Lira. I can’t wait to hear how it goes. And I’m really happy you can see the light – that must be so difficult at times. All my love:)

  2. Congratulations on your new job and this new beginning. Who knows what new doors will open to you now. Although I haven’t commented in a while, I always read your posts. I hope 2011 brings you many bright spots.

  3. congratulations on the job lira that’s wonderful news 🙂

  4. this is such encouraging news lira. it must be such a relief for you to put your roots down somewhere, although perhaps this is coming at just the right time… i love how you took time to travel around, to embark on the healing process in your own way. i pray that you are blessed with more and more light! congratulations!!

  5. Sweetie, I am reminded of the story of your moving to LA and starting your life over as a single woman out of a 10 year relationship. While you did not choose this new beginning, and there are times that everything seems to much to deal with, you embody grace, compassion and beauty with it. This is another chapter in your story. I know the healing comes in waves and so does the growth, and you are doing both. I love you. and your courage inspires me.

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