First day of the rest of my life

I don’t know why it feels that way, but it does. I’ve been in this apartment almost a week now, but my brother was here for the first five days. Yesterday I jumped out of bed at 6:00 a.m., rushed off to work, and returned twelve hours later, exhausted. So today was my first chance to really experience being on my own in my new home.

I slept late, awaking gradually with several cups of green tea. After a breakfast of waffles with real maple syrup, Sheila and I took her dog for a nice long walk, several laps around the neighborhood park. In the afternoon, I treated myself to a massage. I had a lot of sore muscles from moving and my calves, in particular, had been whimpering about eight-hour days spent in high heels after all those trips up and down the stairs. I felt so relaxed when I came home, I put on my softest, fluffiest bathrobe and crawled into bed for a nap. But I found myself too energized to sleep, so instead I listened to some Miles Davis and read a couple of chapters in Elizabeth Gilbert’s latest book.

Around 7:30 I poured myself some wine and started to cook dinner: pasta that a friend sent from Italy with meatballs and vodka sauce from Trader Joe’s. I listened to Bach while I cooked, feeling more at peace than I have in a long while.

“It’s not bad, this brand new life. It’s clean and it’s sharp like a brand new knife.” That’s a line from a Melissa Etheridge song that I listened to over and over the last time I was setting up house on my own, nearly a decade ago. I was in my mid-thirties then and had never lived alone before, always with a roommate or a partner. I’d fled a toxic, codependent relationship after 17 years, moved from Minneapolis to California, and promptly fallen in love with my gay roommate, who turned out to have substance abuse issues. When that living situation fell to pieces, it was a relief to move into my own, peaceful space. I loved that place, and I loved living alone.

I’m not exactly loving it right now, to be honest, but it’s not bad. I’ve spent the evening nesting – unpacking photos and knick knacks, setting up my altars in the bedroom, beginning to put the stamp of my personality on these rooms. I have to keep reminding myself that there’s no rush, that if I feel overwhelmed it’s OK to stop and spend a few lazy hours just reading or watching TV. My friend Joy is coming over Tuesday evening to help me finish unpacking, and hopefully we can get the curtains hung in the living room, some pictures on the walls, etc. I’m beginning to have a vision for this space, and it’s going to be a lovely little nest when I’m done.

For right now, I think I’ll put my feet up and see what’s on TV.

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~ by hourbeforedawn on February 5, 2011.

One Response to “First day of the rest of my life”

  1. love love love

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